Once onboard the Tub O' Luv, skeletons start falling out of closets.

While strolling along the cruise ship's promenade, Monterey Jack runs into his ex-fiancee, a bleu cheese named Petunia. Since cheeses like Jack and John are considered untouchables by every self-respecting bleu to walk the earth, it's obvious there's more to Jack than meets the eye.

It turns out that Jack is actually the adopted grandson of Melvin Swarthmore, the infamous non-dairy creamer titan who is as rich as any royal, though he doesn't wear a crown. Disgusted with the easy life, Jack left his adopted family and eventually joined the Dairy Revolution.

The confrontation with Petunia does not go well. She dumped him all those many years ago for a skinny, blond, artist-type. and hasn't really changed that much. Although her boyfriend is now named Lenny instead of Blaine.

In a completely unrelated plot point, Scottish Mel happens to be quite the shuffleboard fanatic. To John's chagrin, Mel has heard of Scooter's reputation as a former state shuffleboard champion. Luckily for John, though, he's not asked to demonstrate his nonexistent skills.

Go to Episode 3

Episode 4 Backstory

Episode 2 Backstory