Got something on your mind? We couldn't care less. Read our FAQ page and then send all correspondence to The Big Cheese

Frankly, you people tend to frighten us. Perhaps we're out of touch,   living insulated lives here in the air-conditioned, 48th story penthouse offices of Cheese Wars World Headquarters.

Maybe so, but judging from your letters it's a good thing we're up here and you're down there. Hell, 48 stories isn't enough as far as we're concerned and we've instructed our real estate agent to start loking for something near the top of the Sears Tower.

Why all the skittishness? Well, it's letters like this one from a deranged viewer named Michelle:

Hi,
I came across your web site today and being one of the worlds largest cheeseeaters, I consume around 40 pounds of cheese a day, most of it grated. I thought you maybe intrested in the fact that I have now eaten my way around the world of cheese having eaten in 154 diffrent countries and a total of 4,789 diffrent cheeses. Is this a record or just a very sad past time?

What is wrong with you people? Here we are just trying to brighten up your days with a little dairy-centered humor and you go and scare the beejeezus out of us with nightmare visions of some kind of cheese-eating Godzilla, devouring every lactose product within a 50-mile radius.

Forget the Sears Tower, is there anyting available inside Fort Knox?